Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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