I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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