I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
