yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
FUCK WHALES
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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