He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
