that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize