how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
