What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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