just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
