Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
