Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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