I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
