So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
