I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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