We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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