not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
