please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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