it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
