i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
