Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
