it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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