Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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