you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
