HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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