worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
