It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
