I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize