cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
