You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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