bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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