You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
