Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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