No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she peed on how many people?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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