i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i will never coherently bang her
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
