Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
