A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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