im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
