I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
