Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
