We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize