so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
