Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
