i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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