So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
