Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
3pm strippers are depressing
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
