My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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