I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
