That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
