already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
