bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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