My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Come on in and take your pants off
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