So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
