Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
