that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize