I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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