I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
