my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
