Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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