At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
