matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
