just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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