I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
