Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
