I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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