How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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