i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
