she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize