I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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