all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
