went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
