She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
