i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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