Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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